


There's a Cabin in the Woods Full of Secrets

by tugavin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: AU, F/M, Horror, M/M, cabin in the woods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:22:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tugavin/pseuds/tugavin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, it's a Cabin in the Woods AU. So, if you know anything about the movie, then you have an idea of how this is going to go down. Characters will die, so be warned, if that isn't your thing, you probably shouldn't read it. At least one will make it out alive. Root for your favorites!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

Gavin plopped down onto Dan’s lap and whined, “I’m booooored!” A pout formed on his lips as he looked up at the dark haired man. “I’m ready to go. Now!” Gavin had always been the most impatient person in the room and that didn’t change now. The pair, along with 3 others, had a weekend away planned. Dan’s grandfather owned a little cabin in the woods. All of them were so driven by technology that they agreed it would be nice to just spend a weekend in a cabin with alcohol and the company of their closest friends.

“You know we’re waiting on Barb, Gav. Be patient.” Dan spoke without even lifting his eyes from the pages of his anatomy book. 

Gavin scoffed and rose from his lap, wanting nothing to do with him if he wasn’t going to get any attention. He wandered downstairs and into the RV they’d rented. It was small, but it seemed like it would fit their things for the trip. For a moment he wondered why they’d gotten an RV if they were staying in a cabin, but his mind was soon torn from his thoughts at the sight of a glass bottle on the fold out table. Cologne. He stepped closer, picking it up. To Gavin, it read. He smiled and sprayed it on his torso, inhaling deeply to pick up the aroma. 

“Bloody hell, Gruchy. You are good at gifts.” He tucked the cologne into his duffle bag that he’d previously hauled into the RV. He couldn’t seem to stay mad at Dan for very long. Well, to be honest it was rare that he was ever mad at him. He could be annoyed, but never truly mad. He walked back to the bedroom part of the RV, bumping into a few things. His attention was caught by what looked like smoke coming out of little bathroom area. Concerned there was a fire, he flung the door open and jumped backwards, tripping over his own feet and falling onto the floor, smacking his head on the foot of the bed on his way down. 

There was no fire, just Ray fucking blazing it up in the bathroom. The puerto rican tilted his head to the side, breathing out a lungful of smoke and laughing slowly. “Dude, you okay?”

“Ray! Dan’s going to kill you. Smoking in the rental!” He rubbed the back of his head and groaned, knowing he’d end up with one hell of a headache from that. He should probably just be used to it, though. He was clumsiest person he’d ever met. 

Ray rolled his eyes. “You guys are such spoilsports!” He took another hit from the bowl in his hands, holding the smoke in his lungs for a moment before looking at Gavin and his absolutely angry expression. He laughed the smoke from this lungs. 

“What did I just fucking say, X-Ray?”

“It’s cashed anyway now, i wasn’t gonna waste it! Poor Puerto-Rican over here!” He stood, stepping out of the bathroom. “We’ll just spray something and Dan won’t even know!” 

Gavin groaned and dug the cologne he’d just put away and sprayed Ray with it and then the bathroom he’d just stunk up with marijuana. He knew this wouldn’t completely cover the smell, but if he opened the windows maybe Dan wouldn’t notice and by the time they were done with their trip it’d be gone. 

“Dude, this shit smells awesome.”

“Dan got it for me,” Gavin blushed with his words. He loved when Dan was cute and surprised him with little gifts, although judging by how good this smelled it was no little gift. 

“Gross.” Ray playfully stuck out his tongue, making his way out of the RV. All of their friends made fun of Dan and Gav for being so cute with each other all the time. None of them cared that they were gay, and no one ever thought of them any differently. It’d be just as grossly cute if Gavin was a girl. 

“Oi, shut up.” Gav chuckled and opened the windows in the RV before following Ray out of it and back up to his and Dan’s apartment. 

He was glad to see that Barbara had finally shown up and Michael was still asleep on the couch near Dan. Gavin plopped himself back into Dan’s lap as Dan chuckled and shook Michael awake.

“What the fuck?” Michael grumbled as he rubbed his eyes, waking from his nap. He looked around, noting everyone was here now. It must be time to go. He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep waiting for Barbara to get there. He yawned, raising his arms and stretching before he found his glasses, putting them back on his face, noting that someone must have taken them off of him so he wouldn’t crush them. 

The dark haired Brit inhaled deeply at the smell of what seemed to be a new cologne on Gavin. It was intoxicating. He had to pull himself away and stand, raising Gavin up with him. “You’re welcome for moving your glasses, twat.” Dan playfully punched Michael’s shoulder.

Michael rubbed his arm, not used to the rough treatment from Dan. It was weird that he was acting so...well, jockish. He shrugged and grabbed the duffle bag full of clothes and heaved it over his shoulder. “Are we ready to go?”

Barbara bounced on her heels, her bag in her hands. “Come on, boys, let’s get this party started!” She turned and started heading downstairs, knowing that if she went the guys would be following. Some would think that it would be weird that one girl was going out with a bunch of guys to a cabin, but she wasn’t really like a lot of girls. She definitely fit in more with the guys. She had significantly more male friends than female friends. She also couldn’t deny that part of her was interested in Dan, but him and Gavin were such an item she wouldn’t dare. Gav was one of her best friends and definitely one of her first since coming to college.

All of the boys grabbed whatever was left of their things and followed her out to the RV, all piling in and taking a seat. Dan walked back to the bedroom part and dropped off his and everyone else’s bags and laughed, easily smelling all of the cologne Gav sprayed earlier. He made his way back to the front, seeing Michael and Gavin wrestling on the ground. He rolled his eyes, chuckling and stepping over them to make his way to the driver’s seat. There was no way any of the others would be driving. He didn’t trust them not to wreck at the sight of a squirrel. He got himself situated behind the wheel and looked in his mirror at the boys and Barbara. 

“Alright, boys. Sit down and stop fighting. Barbara can you come help me navigate? These mugs would just get me lost.” 

Barbara laughed softly before coming up to sit by Dan. The boys all got comfortable in their seats and it wasn’t long before someone pulled out a DS and the others followed, all of them screaming like children when their character died.

“This is going to be a long trip, isn’t it, blondie?” Dan chuckled, starting up the RV and heading off to their destination.


	2. Chapter 2

Joel rubbed his eyes as he listened to Burnie talk. He was way too tired for all of this. The coffee machine whirred and spit out the dark roast coffee that he craved and he picked up the paper cup, trying to find his creamer amongst the haphazardly organized shelf of coffee fixings. 

“But seriously, Joel. Ash won’t stop bitching about Joe. One minute she loves the cat, the next minute she wants to drop it off out in the country.”

“Burns, are you really complaining about your girl and your cat?” Joel rolled his eyes, bringing the coffee up to his lips and hissing as it burnt his tongue. “Fuck.”

“Oh, you’re just being uptight because you’re betting money on that damn snowman.”

“Come on, it’s perfectly logical! It could happen!”

“Logical?! It’s fucking summer, Heyman! No one is going to look at that damn christmas sweater.”

It wasn’t new for Joel to be disappointed by the monster choice. He wanted to see what the snowmen could do, but it didn’t seem to ever happen for him. He was about to retort that the vampires were cliche and overdone. Besides, Europe usually ended up with the Vamps. Instead, Burnie was pulling him out into the hall.

“We’re going to be late, better hustle.”

A snort was Joel’s only reply.

“What?!”

“You’re going to tell me to hustle? Just find it funny.” It was probably best that Joel kept his thoughts to himself anyway. 

The pair of them walked briskly through the hall to the main control room, only being stopped by Jack Pattillo, a serious guy who worked in the Chem Department. 

“Guys! Australia’s out. It’s just us and Japan now.” Jack seemed to be nervous about this, but the older men didn’t understand why. There hadn’t been a huge fuck up in years and no one who worked here then even was alive now.

“Dude, our record is damn near perfect.” Burnie replied casually.

“So’s Japan’s.” Joel added. “Don’t worry about it.”

Jack didn’t seem too reassured, but knew that worrying was useless. He was a big part of everything and he wouldn’t let it all go to shit.

**********************************************************

Ryan was shocked by all of this. It seemed ridiculous that any of this was real. Were there really Gods that would rise up and essentially wreck the world if they didn’t get their sacrifices? Did they really have all of these creatures that he was told about?

The military was who Ryan used to work for. He’d been hired by another branch of government to work security for them. The pay was outstanding and Ryan was not a man to turn down that much money. He didn’t understand why they were offering to pay him so much for hardly working many days, but once he was brought here it all made sense. 

His first work day was only a three hour shift. When he arrived he realized it was more of an orientation than anything. The higher ups who worked for security for quite some time now were the ones who explained everything to him. They taught him about what happened once a year. There were these Gods who threatened to rise up from underground (from what he understood) and essentially blow up the whole damn planet if they were not given their sacrifices. These Gods also seemed pretty particular about what sacrifices they would receive. 

Five sacrifices were required for the American ritual. They also had to fit certain archetypes. The whore, the scholar, the fool, the athlete, and the virgin. Supposedly they had to die in a semi-specific order. The whore had to die first, preferably after some kind of sexual act. The scholar couldn’t die until they tempted the virgin in some way. The virgin didn’t have to die, but if they did, it had to be last. 

A sign fell from Ryan’s lips as he leaned against a wall, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the screens along on the wall. The group of young adults were stopped by a strange guy asking for directions and warned not to go to the cabin. Ryan didn’t quite understand what the point of that was, seeing as they needed the sacrifices to save the damn world. 

Honestly, though, not much of anything made sense to Ryan about this. He decided that it was probably best that way, though. He was worried that if he understood this hell then he would be just as bad as the guys standing around him betting on what the outcome would be, betting on the lives of 5 young adults. 

*************************************************

“Betting’s closing in just five minutes!” Burnie yelled, receiving notes and cash from many people and handing them over to Joel who was marking what everyone bet on and making sure they bet the correct amount of money. 

“The unicorn again, Miles?” 

“Burns, zoology swears we have one! It’s gonna happen!” 

“Whatever you say, buddy.”

It wasn’t long before all the bets were collected and Burnie and Joel were scribbling on a big whiteboard. 

Jack made his way over to Ryan and sighed, “I know it seems awful to place bets. It’s just the guys making light of the situation. Even though they act like idiots, it’s not an easy job. You just get used to it.”

“I don’t think i’d like to get used to it.”

Nodding, Jack turned his attention back to Joel and Burnie. He understood what was going through Ryan’s head. This was a hard thing to wrap your mind around. He remembered his first few years here. It was always just disbelief, but then you started to realize it was all for the greater good. Five people died a year to save billions. It was a pretty fucking fair trade. 

“How can they bet on the outcome when they control it? Do the people. Uh, well, does downstairs know about this?” Ryan finally spoke up again.

It was Burnie who heard him talking.

“Look, newbie, downstairs doesn’t give a fuck about what happens here just so long as everything goes the way it should, alright?”

“Alright, well. It’s still rigged, you control it. You’re betting. I’m assuming you win every time?”

It was Joel’s turn to but in, now.

“We don’t control what happens to them. They have to choose what comes for them. Just like they chose to ignore the harbinger’s warning. They have to be warned. that’s how this all works. They choose their fate. It’s their decision whether they make it or not.”

“You know, it doesn’t seem like much of a decision to me.”

“Do you think those five kids are worth more than the lives of every human soul on earth?” Joel laughed loudly. He had long since left his youthful ignorances behind. He knew what those five people were saving the world from. 

It wasn’t like ryan could argue with that logic. No, he didn’t think any five people were worth more than the entirety of humanity, but he still wasn’t agreeing with this whole practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't really decided how this will end, whether everyone will make it out alive, the virgin will make it, or the world ends, so uh, any ideas feel free to throw them at me! 
> 
> www.tugavin.tumblr.com


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